Vinglish Revisited Part 1

Directions

If the pronouncements of purple-lipped pundits leave you scratching your head in wonder; if you don’t know your caudalie from your Kabinett; and if jammy is what you’re planning to wear to bed, it may be time to brush up your Vinglish.

In 2019, WineDown was proud to launch its pocket guide to Vinglish. Here is the revised and expanded edition, Part 1 – Acid to Musty!

Acid:

(tartaric; malic; citric; lactic) Essential component of wine, responsible for refreshing crispness and tang. Also, a type of wit associated with lovers of Pinot Noir.

Anthocyanins:

The skin pigments that give red wine its colour.

Appellation:

A designated area where grapes or other agricultural products are produced – e.g. Pomerol in Bordeaux, or Napa in California. Also, a mountain system in the USA. Would we lie to you?

Bâtonnage:

Injury commonly suffered by second viola player when conductor loses grip of the stick. French term for stirring of the lees.

Biodynamic:

Agricultural system based on the writings of Rudolph Steiner, incorporating organic techniques, the lunar phases, and – occasionally – strategically buried cow horns. It’s true.

Brix:

The measurement of sugar (and therefore the potential alcohol) in wine.

Caudalie:

A measure of aromatic persistence of a wine on the palate (length): One caudalie equals one second. Also, in Australia, an adverb sometimes appended to invitations: ‘You’re caudalie invited...’.

Chewy:

Concentrated, textural, tannic wines. The Millennium Falcon’s Wookiee co-pilot.

Cooked:

A wine that has suffered heat damage during storage. Also: what you should NOT have done with that cooked wine. (Wouldn’t drink it? Don’t cook with it!)

Demi-sec:

A medium-dry sparkling wine; a position of the feet in ballet; half a caudalie; the personal secretary to Bruce Willis’ ex-wife.

Dense:

In wine, concentrated and rich. Elsewhere, a bit stupid.

Dumb:

As in mute. A closed wine that has little to offer.

Earthy:

Aromas of mushrooms, truffles or forest floor – often associated with Pinot Noir and older red wines.

Eiswein

A German dessert wine, created from frozen grapes. The unauthorised autobiography of Babe, Pig in the City.

Extra-Brut:

A very dry sparkling wine; Thor AND Hulk.

Firm:

Well structured, tannic wines. Also, the recommended way of dealing with toddlers (and unsolicited calls from international telemarketers).

Flabby:

Describes wines that are low in acid, and therefore sit heavily on the palate. Equally unappealing in wines and prospective partners.

Fleshy:

Full-bodied and opulent. Delectable and desirable in wines and prospective partners.

Gamay:

The red wine grape of Beaujolais; third letter of the Greek Alphabet; a condition of the leg, following a shrapnel injury.

Gamey:

Describes game-like aromas of meat, barnyards and/or earth in red wines. Fabulous in small doses, less charming in high concentrations. Like Eurovision.

Grip:

Describes firm tannins and good handshakes (remember those?). Also, hysterical people should get one.

Hard:

Rough tannins, often in conjunction with high acid levels. Undesirable.

Horizontal tasting:

A wine tasting conducted in bed (not recommended). More commonly, a tasting of a group of same-style wines (all Riesling, e.g.) from the same vintage.

Hot:

In wine, a defect that occurs when the level of alcohol is too high. Elsewhere, a signifier of attractiveness. See also: Hemsworth, Kardashian and, inexplicably, Depp.

IGT:

Something your Irish grandmother calls you when she’s cross. Otherwise, Indicazione Geografica Tipica: one of the four classifications of wine in Italy.

Imperial:

Large format bottle, holding six litres (eight regular bottles); Also, the Sydney pub that spawned Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Inky:

Deep, dark – almost opaque – colour associated with full-bodied reds such as Malbec.

Jammy:

Extremely ripe flavours in red wines. A good thing, until it isn’t. (Overripe flavours are undesirable.)

Jeroboam:

Large-format bottle, but smaller than an Imperial, holding the equivalent of just six bottles.

Jimmy:

Barnsey! Also, the Jimmy Watson: Trophy awarded every year at the Royal Melbourne Wine Show for the Best Young Red.

Kabinett:

Quality German Riesling, made in a dry to off-dry style; and, conveniently, the sideboard in which they may be stored.

Kosher Wine:

Wine produced under the supervision of a rabbi.

Koshu:

Japan’s flagship white wine: light and delicate, and best consumed while young. (However, middle-aged people reportedly enjoy it too.)

Late Harvest:

Wines made from grapes left on the vine for longer than usual. Often indicates a sweeter or dessert style.

Lees:

Sediment resulting from fermentation consisting of spent yeast cells and grape solids; Also, the answer to the question: Whose are these denim jeans?

Legs:

The streaks of wine left on the inside of the glass after swirling or drinking. Wine legs are directly affected by alcohol content. As are the legs of imbibers. Enjoy in moderation.

Malo:

Malolactic Fermentation. Natural winemaking process where harsh Malic acid transforms into soft and creamy Lactic acid.

Must:

Freshly pressed juice, skins, seeds, and (sometimes) stems.

Musty:

Damp, dull, stale aroma commonly associated with Cork taint (TCA). Musty wine? Musty not drink. Sorry. Must stop!